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Dethroned 5-year-old won't let baby nap

Question:

I have a 5-year-old son and three-month-old daughter. My son seems to have adapted fairly well to the new addition but there is one major problem. Every time he sees her napping he will scare her to wake her up. She gets absolutely hysterical, so he gets the reaction that he wants. I do not know what to do. We live in a small 1927 home so the only room that has locks is the bathroom, otherwise, I would just lock her in the room, although, I still think he would find a way to wake her up.

Where did we ever get the crazy idea that to make children do better, first we have to make them feel worse?

Think of the last time you felt humiliated or treated unfairly. Did you feel like cooperating or doing better?

Why don’t children keep their agreements? Could it be that sometimes parents and teachers say, “This is what we are going to do. Do you agree?” When the question is asked in an authoritarian manner that doesn’t leave room for discussion, children often shrug in agreement, which really means, “Sure, I’ll agree to get you off my back, but I don’t really agree.”

A natural consequence is anything that happens naturally, with no adult interference. When you stand in the rain, you get wet. When you don’t eat, you get hungry. When you forget your coat, you get cold. No piggy backing allowed. Adults piggy back when they lecture, scold, say, "I told you so," or do anything that adds more blame, shame, or pain than the child might experience naturally from the experience.

When teachers take even just a few minutes to greet students as they come in the door, show concern for students’ problems, or take time for a little one-on-one instruction, the results can be profound.

One of the most encouraging things parents can do for their children is to spend regular, scheduled special time with them. You may already spend lots of time with your children. However there is a difference between have to time, casual time, and scheduled special time.

Many parents complain that their children don’t listen, yet few parents really listen to their children. Children will listen to you AFTER they feel listened to.

We have heard students say that it doesn't do any good to talk because adults don't listen—they just lecture? Could this be true? And if so, why? We will make some guesses.

"You have to reach the heart before you can reach the head." I first heard this statement while reading an article about Carter Bayton in a September, 1991 issue of Life Magazine. Carter Bayton was asked to work with thirteen 2nd grade boys who were considered so disruptive that they couldn't make in it a "regular" classroom. After six months of working with these boys they were doing so well that they challenged the "regular" class to a math contest and won. Carter found many ways to be effective with his students, but said the foundation was to reach their hearts before he could reach their minds.

So, what is the difference between encouragement and praise? Praise teaches dependency on external feedback (I'm “okay” if you like what I do, and I feel badly if you don't like what I do), while encouragement teaches internal validation, (I use self-evaluation to determine how I feel about what I do).

Dethroned 5-year-old won't let baby nap

Children DO Better When They FEEL Better

Agreements - A Positive Discipline Tool Card

NATURAL CONSEQUENCES

Schedule Special Time With Your Students

SCHEDULE SPECIAL TIME FOR CONNECTION

Listening Tool Card

Listening Skills for Teachers

The Importance of Connection

Encouragement vs Praise for Teachers

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