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Avoiding Barriers

From the book, Raising Self-Reliant Children in a Self-Indulgent World,
by H. Stephen Glenn & Jane Nelsen

Do you create any of the following barriers regularly with someone you love? Do you believe that if you worked at it you could use them less often? Let's look at an example as a means of understanding the barriers and builders. Suppose four-year-old Linda becomes stuck when her tricycle wheel runs off the sidewalk. There are several ways a parent could handle this situation that would decrease feelings of capability:

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How Do You Motivate a Teen? Yes, It Is Possible!

When parents ask, “How do I motivate my teen?” they usually mean, “How do I get my teen to do what I want? How do I get her to have some balance in her life? How do I get him off the computer, get outside, or do just about anything except sitting around doing nothing?”

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Another Hug Story - Podcast

Some of you may know that a Hug is one of my favorite Positive Discipline Tools. During this podcast you will understand why as I interview Beth Whitehead after she sent me the following success story.

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Connection Before Correction

Extensive research shows that we cannot influence children in a positive way until we create a connection with them. It is a brain (and heart) thing. Sometimes we have to stop dealing with the misbehavior and first heal the relationship.

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Teen Getting Poor Grades & Being Suspended

Question:

I attended your lecture on Positive Discipline held at Mira Costa on the 21st, because I really need help on where to go from here. I have an almost 13 year old boy who is testing his limits (and mine). What would be the best approach for me in the following instances:

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What Does Your Child Under Three Really "Know" About "No"?

Children under the age of three do not understand "no" in the way most parents think they do. (And, a full understanding of "no" doesn't occur magically when the child turns three. It is a developmental process.) "No" is an abstract concept that is in direct opposition to the developmental need of young children to explore their world and to develop their sense of autonomy and initiative, as discussed in Chapters 4 and 5 of Positive Discipline for Preschoolers.

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Hugs: A Positive Discipline Tool Card

This tool card provides an example of asking for a hug when a child is having a temper tantrum, but that is certainly not the only time a hug can be an appropriate intervention when you understand the principle of hugs. Later, I’ll share where the example on the card came from; but first I want to share another example illustrated in a story shared by Mary Wardlow.

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Control Your Behavior

The Positive Discipline Tool Card of "Control Your Behavior" is sometimes easier said than done. Have you ever lost control of your behavior with your children? Listen to the following audio excerpt from Building Self-Esteem Through Positive Discipline as I discuss a time when I completely lost control with my daughter.

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Positive Discipline Guidelines

Download a PDF Version

1.) Misbehaving children are discouraged children who have mistaken ideas on how to achieve their primary goal — to belong. Their mistaken ideas lead them to misbehavior. We cannot be effective unless we address the mistaken beliefs rather than just the misbehavior.

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Discipline Without Yelling, Hitting, or Spanking

How can I discipline my children without hitting, yelling or any negative attitudes towards them even when they misbehave or don't want to listen to me?

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