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Connection Before Correction

The one Positive Discipline Tool I wish I had used more consistently is this: Connection before Correction. Of course, I didn't know what this meant as a young mother, and didn't create it as a Positive Discipline tool until about five years ago. Now we know it is just brain science: children learn (grow, feel safe, thrive) best when they feel connection—or as Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs taught us, "a sense of belonging and significance".

Take the 52 Parenting Tools in 52 Weeks Challenge. This is a fun way to stay focused on Positive Discipline all year long. We hope you will participate and post comments about your own experiences. You can get a copy of the Positive Discipline Parenting Tool Cards on the Positive Discipline Website and/or download the App for iPhone and Android. It would also be helpful to read a Positive Discipline Book during the year.

Positive Discipline is based on the philosophy and teachings of Alfred Adler and Rudolph Dreikurs. I was not privileged to study under either of these great men, but I would like to acknowledge the people who introduced me to the Adlerian approach. It has changed my life and greatly improved my relationships with children at home and in the classroom.

Child Won't Leave When it is Time to Go

I am a single mother and have one 5-year-old son, Sean. Last night, I attended a seminar with Jane Nelsen after working all day. While I was at the seminar, Sean was at a drop in day care (Klubhouse) that stays open into the late evening. I have used this place before. Sean loves it there and he loves the care provider. My problem is I always have a power struggle with him when its time to leave, whether it's the Klubhouse, or his everyday care provider, or leaving the park — wherever.

One of my LEAST favorite duties as a parent was the constant “reminding” that happened every day. This constant flow of “helpful prompts” made me feel like a nag, made my son feel defeated, and left both of us exhausted. And then I took a Positive Discipline Parenting Class.

As parents, we can of course do everything better and quicker than our children. But how does this help your child? You have to decide if perfection and expediency are more important than encouraging your child to develop a deep belief in his or her capability.

Have you noticed how terrible it feels to listen to another parent scold a child? Because you are not emotionally involved, you notice the shrinking posture of the child and empathize with the shame and discouragement he or she must be feeling.

Gemeinschaftsgefühl

German Gemeinschaftsgefühl, from Gemeinschaft (“community, neighborship”) +‎ Gefühl (“feeling”) (literally) "Community feeling" or "social interest"; used by Adlerian psychologists to describe the state of social connectedness and interest in the well-being of others that characterizes psychological health.

DURING THE TEEN years, when your children spend less and less time with you, it's more important than ever to connect in ways that really count. Unfortunately, there are several conditions that make quality time especially difficult to achieve: busy schedules, teenagers' preference to be with their friends, and time spent lecturing, judging, and punishing.

There is so much focus in Positive Discipline on getting students involved in solutions, validating their feelings, asking them questions, understanding their behavior, connecting with them, and so on. Do you ever wonder, “What about me?”

Connection Before Correction

52 Positive Discipline Parenting Tools in 52 Weeks

A History of Positive Discipline

Child Won't Leave When it is Time to Go

Positive Discipline Online Class - Routine Charts

Small Steps

Tone of Voice

Gemeinschaftsgefühl

Spend Special Time

Decide What You Will Do For Teachers

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