Dear Jane or Associate:
I attended your seminar in Portland on May 15 and enjoyed listening to your suggestions. It is always good to be reminded that respect is the foundation for any good relationship. Thank you for your work! I do, however, have a question that I'm still not sure how to deal with. Here goes:
First, I want to say that I am a huge fan of your books and keep them at my bedside so I can refer to them often. Growing up with an abusive, alcoholic father, I was desperate to learn how to parent differently so that my daughter didn't endure the same sort of childhood that I did. When I feel myself reacting to something that feels too much like my father, I take a time-out and pick-up one of your books.
I'm wondering how you feel about allowance? Also, I'd like to know how to deal with my children when they want so much for Christmas and I can't afford it. They see some of their friends and relatives getting whatever they want.
Do you know what website I could go to or give me some information on how to control my daughter (mouth).She is very verbal when she gets upset. I am divorced, but have been remarried for 5 years, and she is Basically very rude to step father who is more than generous to her, and she still treats him nasty, and in public she is nasty when she gets embarrassed or if things don't go her way. Is it the age, or is the divorce, do I need to get her to counseling, or is this something I can try to fix at home.
Since you did not give me specific behaviors, I can only give you a general answer. I don't know what your behavior is like, but as a therapist, I often found that when the parents calmed down so did the children. Parents with hyper children have found that all of the suggestions we make in our Positive Discipline books are the most effective methods to use with these children. It is never easy with hyper children, but repsectful methods can be effective.