Parents Q&A

Questions have been answered by Dr. Jane Nelsen and Certified Positive Discipline Trainers. Please use the Blog Search to find specific topics.


 

Lying

Question: "I don't know how to get my child to stop lying. We have tried very hard to teach high moral standards. The more I punish him, the more he lies. I'm really worried."

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Setting Limits With Children

Question:

Do you have any articles or can you direct me to or any literature that deals specifically with the consequences for the developing child's personality of parents who don't set and/or enforce limits?

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Refuses to Cooperate

I have a son in the 1st Grade. When things don't go his way, he refuses to cooperate. He either becomes a "statue," a "limp rag doll," or becomes defiant in other ways. I have read your book "Positive Discipline" and my husband is in the middle of reading it. I have given him choices as you suggest, and he responds with "neither." Then I'm stumped.

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Family Meetings

Dear Jane,

I have a question about family meetings. We have just started them at our home and already are pleased and having fun with the results. We have a family of four; my husband, myself and two daughters 7 and 5. My five year old has been reluctant to sit in the entire meeting unless we are talking about something that is important to her (getting a pet snake).

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Child Runs and Explores While Shopping

Question:
I have just found your website and am going to go buy one of the positive discipline books tomorrow. My daughter is almost 17months old and is a very good little girl. Our challenge is when we are out and about, shopping or farmers market for example. She wants to run and explore (of course), she runs away and we end up having to chase her, even when we tell her no or stop. I know she is at an exploration stage but I don't know when to discipline versus letting her run around. I guess I just don't know when true discipline should be implemented?

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Can Discipline Nurture Children?

QUESTION:

I run a support group for Day Care Providers in a small city in MA. Some of the members have a concern about the nurturing of one member in particular. She readily admits she spanks her own children (Bible backed) and says she does not hit the daycare children.

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7-Year-Old and High Level of Frustration

Question:

Our seven year-old is very bright, social, and out going. She is very daring and often makes decisions that escalate into more than they started out being. For example, when she's doing something like talking back she doesn't know when to stop she become so over the top frustrated that then she starts getting defiant when she is told to go to her room etc...She has a you can't get me kinda attitude. I'm sure she is just pushing it off or hiding the hurt. How do we help her? I recognize that we all make bad decisions. I'd like to teach her how to recognize the bad decision and apologize etc before she makes it worse.

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Helping a 2 ½ year old like preschool

Hi, I know you have a few answers about this on your web site, but my problem is a little different. My son doesn't mind going to preschool, but after about half an hour he looks for his parents (usually my husband drops him off and we're both very careful to tell him when we leave and say "good-bye"). Then he starts to cry for about half an hour. Eventually he calms down, but about an hour later he starts to cry again. When we come to get him, he is ready to leave immediately (he's sitting there crying, with his backpack on). It's only been a few times, but I'm very worried.

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Forgetfulness: Irresponsible or Normal

Question:

My question is how responsible can I legitimately expect my 10 yr old stepson to be. I believe he "forgets" to do chores right or brush his teeth etc. because he gets special undivided attention when he is getting in trouble even though it is negative attention.

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Money as a Means of Discipline

Question:

How do you feel about using money as a means of disciplining children? My ex-wife has developed a system of "Stars and De-merits" with our children—6 and 8 yrs old. They are awarded for good behavior with stars or dollars, and when misbehaving they receive demerits and money is taken away

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