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Punishment or Not: The Debate Goes On and On and On

I have a Google alert that lets me know any time my name or Positive Discipline is mentioned on the Internet. This morning I read a blog by James Rivera on Spanking, grounding, and yelling: Does old-fashioned discipline work?

Positive Discipline Evidence Based

The reason I have used Positive Discipline (based on the work of Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs), in my own life and to share with others, is that it works. Thousands of parents have shared with me that it works for them to improve their relationships with their children and to help their children learn self-discipline, responsibility, cooperation and problem-solving skills. Still, many organizations cannot adopt programs unless that are “evidence based” or have the designation of “best practices.” Achieving best practices can be very expensive, involving extensive research.

Positive Discipline and Pampering: More on Kind and Firm and the Same Time

I know that people who are against punishment are drawn to Positive Discipline, but they often see only the kind part and take that kindness to the extreme. Why is it that human beings seem most comfortable when thinking in extremes? The pendulum seems to swing back and forth in argument for being very strict (firm) with children to the other extreme of being very lenient (kind) with children. Why is it so difficult to help parents see the value of being both kind and firm?

Hugs to Create a Connection

Many of you know that “Hugs” is one of my favorite Positive Discipline Tool Cards. A hug is one of the best ways to create the important theme of Positive Discipline: Connection Before Correction. I have been receiving some great hug stories and have decided to start collecting them and sharing them with you.

Children Full of Life

I loved watching this series of five videos, and I think you will too. Be sure to watch all five videos of this amazing teacher (don’t know how to spell his name) as he helps children learn to own and express their feelings, to take responsibility for their actions, to learn empathy and concern for others.

Class Meetings for Preschoolers

Question:

At what age can children participate in class meetings?

When Should Children be Responsible?

Question:
I just found this sight and I already feel so relieved that you may be able to help. I already read e-mail about 10yr old "forgetful" girl. My question is how responsible can I legitimately expect my 10 yr old step-son to be. I believe he "forgets" to do chores right or brush his teeth etc. because he gets special undivided attention when he is getting in trouble even though it is negative attention. He is a very intelligent boy. His biological mother is rarely in the picture and constantly lets him down never making him feel important and I think he is replacing that much needed good feeling with all negative attention.

Different Parenting Styles

Do you have any information that addresses the issue of differing parent styles in the home. ie one parent wants to use the positive parent style but the other wants to use rewards and punishments to control? What can the positive discipline parent do to when dealing with the issues that result from an "anti positive discipline" parenting style?

2 ½ year-old Fears

Question:

I recently read your book, Positive Discipline: The First Three Years and I cannot tell you how much better I understand my 2 1/2 year old son! I was hoping you could direct me toward some reading material, or even offer a suggestion though. He is a very bright boy, happy at home. However, he is constantly telling us he is "scared" of other kids, and sometimes adults too. It seems to really hold him back socially. We had a psychologist meet with him, but she stated he is just high strung. I somehow think there is more to it... If you could point me in a new direction?

Mistakes are Opportunities to Learn

Question:
It is only today that I've discovered your website, a day after my husband and I have already told our 11 year old son that as a consequence to two pretty severe behavioral issues, he was not going to be able to participate in an upcoming motorcycle race, or to sleep over at a friends' house for Halloween. I am now realizing after scouring your website, that taking away privileges, isn't the best method; and we certainly didn't agree in advance what limits would be set, and what would happen. My concern however, is that if we don't follow through with the "punishment" that has been set, that we will have totally missed an opportunity to impart the seriousness of his behavior, and our ability to stick to our plan. Help? Olivia

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