Parents

Take the 52 Parenting Tools in 52 Weeks Challenge. This is a fun way to stay focused on Positive Discipline all year long. We hope you will participate and post comments about your own experiences. You can get a copy of the Positive Discipline Parenting Tool Cards on the Positive Discipline Website and/or download the App for iPhone and Android. It would also be helpful to read a Positive Discipline Book during the year.

Positive Discipline is based on the philosophy and teachings of Alfred Adler and Rudolph Dreikurs. I was not privileged to study under either of these great men, but I would like to acknowledge the people who introduced me to the Adlerian approach. It has changed my life and greatly improved my relationships with children at home and in the classroom.

One of my LEAST favorite duties as a parent was the constant “reminding” that happened every day. This constant flow of “helpful prompts” made me feel like a nag, made my son feel defeated, and left both of us exhausted. And then I took a Positive Discipline Parenting Class.

When parents say, “My child doesn’t listen,” what they really mean is that my child doesn’t obey.” Parents give orders and children resist orders—just as their parent most likely would. If you are experiencing power-struggles with your children, take a look at your part in creating the power-struggle.

As parents, we can of course do everything better and quicker than our children. But how does this help your child? You have to decide if perfection and expediency are more important than encouraging your child to develop a deep belief in his or her capability.

Have you noticed how terrible it feels to listen to another parent scold a child? Because you are not emotionally involved, you notice the shrinking posture of the child and empathize with the shame and discouragement he or she must be feeling.

German Gemeinschaftsgefühl, from Gemeinschaft (“community, neighborship”) +‎ Gefühl (“feeling”) (literally) "Community feeling" or "social interest"; used by Adlerian psychologists to describe the state of social connectedness and interest in the well-being of others that characterizes psychological health.

DURING THE TEEN years, when your children spend less and less time with you, it's more important than ever to connect in ways that really count. Unfortunately, there are several conditions that make quality time especially difficult to achieve: busy schedules, teenagers' preference to be with their friends, and time spent lecturing, judging, and punishing.

You know you have a teenager when you hear yourself complaining, “She has no purpose. He won‘t help. She only cares about her friends. He is so self-centered. Her room is a mess. I can‘t trust him. This is out of control. I can‘t stand her hair, clothes, makeup, or music. He wastes his money. She resents me and idolizes rock stars. He is on drugs and treats me like dirt. She is moody and irresponsible.”

For many children and their parents, returning to school is a joyful occasion—reconnecting with school friends and families, the excitement of purchasing school supplies and new clothes, the return to the comfort and normalcy of the school routine, and, of course, the gift of a little breathing space for Mom and Dad.
But for many other children, the new school year brings with it a large dose of anxiety: Will I struggle like I did last year? Will I make any new friends? Will I be bullied or isolated? Will the teacher like me?