Parents

Rudolf Dreikurs taught the importance of being both kind and firm in our relations with children. Kindness is important in order to show respect for the child. Firmness is important in order to show respect for ourselves and for the needs of the situation. Authoritarian methods usually lack kindness. Permissive methods lack firmness. Kindness and firmness are essential for Positive Discipline.

Question:

First, let me say that your book Positive Discipline has been immensely helpful. I read it when my son was five (he's ten now) and I buy a copy for all the new parents I know ( along with the "Read-Aloud Handbook" by Jim Trelease). So thank for writing the book!

Have you ever “lost it” with you kids? My guess is that most people will answer, “Yes,” to this question. The next question is, “Then what did you do?”. Did you feel guilty and beat up on yourself. Or did you rejoice because you just provided your children with a model of learning from mistakes? A primary theme of Positive Discipline is that “Mistakes are Wonderful Opportunities to Learn”. This is true for adults as well as children.

There are many reasons why teens lack motivation to do what parents want them to do. (You'll notice they don't lack motivation to do what they want to do — talk on the phone, skateboard, shop, party, etc.)

A week ago you received the article on the Positive Discipline Tool Card on Take Time for Training that was written mostly by Katie Clark. Katie added the Routines tool and experienced a breakdown. She handled it very well, even though she didn't know she was handling it well. See why.

I was watching some videos by Bob Bradbury the other day. They are very informative and inspiring. Bob tells a story about a father who tried the "I need a hug" suggestion. His small son was having a temper tantrum. The father got down on one knee and shouted, "I need a hug." His son asked through his sobs, "What?" The father shouted again, "I need a hug." His son asked incredulously, "Now?!?" The father said, "Yes, now." The son said, "Okay," and begrudgingly and stiffly gave his father a hug. Soon the stiffness disappeared and they melted into each others arms. After a few moments the father said, "Thanks, I needed that." His son said, with a small tremor on his lips, "So did I."

In all of our books we talk about "Positive Time Out." There are several points that need to be made regarding time out for children who have not yet reached the age of reason.

We have become vividly aware of how skilled most of us are in using enabling responses with our children, and how unskilled we are in using empowering responses. Our definition of enabling is, ʺGetting between young people and life experiences to minimize the consequences of their choices.ʺ

Question:

Any suggestions for weaning a toddler?

My first child is now 2 and 1/2. If I'm around (and I am for the most part) she breastfeeds to sleep, and wants to breastfeed during the day (which we've mostly stopped.) She can fall asleep on her own-as she does at "school" 2 days a week.

Every human being is born with the potential to become the world's most capable creature, not with the capabilities themselves. Unlike the amoeba, which is capable of functioning at its full potential from creation, humans acquire their capabilities primarily through apprenticeship: young human beings learn from those who have preceded them. When this apprenticeship is adequate, their toolboxes of life, which were empty at birth, are filled with the essential tools for effective living. In times of change, these tools, which we call life resources, are particularly critical.