Parents

Are you trying to gain control over children or with children? Trying to gain control over children is hard. It takes constant effort. You have to be very vigilant to police the action of children so you can implement your control tactics—usually punishment and rewards. You have to catch children being “good” so you can reward them and catch them being “bad” so you can mete out the punishment. It never ends—and what happens when you are not around? If you are very good at being in control over children what have they learned? Have they learned self-discipline, respect for self and others, responsibility, problem-solving skills, cooperation?

Lynn Lott and I have been overwhelmed (in a good way), and excited about the spread of our Teaching Parenting the Positive Discipline Way DVD Training. It has now been purchased in 50 countries.

We were delighted to receive these photos from a group of women in Egypt practicing the experiential activities to receive their certificate as Certified Positive Discipline Parent Educators.

How many times has your teenager broken a promise to mow the lawn, clean the kitchen, pick up towels on the bathroom floor before leaving for school, or to rinse his bowl before the cereal becomes glued to the surface? If you didn't answer, "Many times!" you don't have a normal teenager.

Question:

About 20 years ago I wrote a draft for a children's book called, "The Gremlin Who Eats Toys That Aren't Picked Up." The idea was to write children's books that would teach Positive Discipline tools to parents while they read adorable picture books to their children.

Two years ago, when I started studying on Positive Discipline routine chart, I loved the idea. It took me two years to learn about the mistakes I made during my first attempt.

I am Wendy Li, my Chinese name is Li Tao, I come from Chengdu. After learning Positive Discipline, I've become a better mom, and a better self. This picture shows my four-year-old daughter carefully taking notes during our first family meeting. Of cause she didn't know what to write at all.

My husband, my then two year-old son, and I moved from Madrid, Spain to Chicago in 2008 because of my husband’s job. I was working at that time for a consulting company as a full-time manager. Even when I had my son, I had never considered stopping working, but moving to the U.S. was a major challenge for my career. I was able to continue working for the same company for a year after our arrival in Chicago, but then, due to personal circumstances, I decided to leave my job. Suddenly, I found myself “officially” a full-time mother without any parenting skills.

Why is it so much easier to “enable” than to empower? Enabling is adult behavior that puts the parent between the child and life experiences to minimize the consequences of the child's choices. Enabling includes rescuing, over-protecting, and controlling without involving the child in problem solving. Enabling behavior encourages an unhealthy dependence in children and prevents them from learning to do things for themselves.

I want to share an encouraging moment from recent life: Our week started with a particularly upsetting episode for my 3 1/2 year-old daughter. She was at preschool and apparently came down with a spontaneous case of the rota-virus that is spreading around the school like wildfire. She had an accident which required a change of clothes and her cot cover...you get the picture. So I got the call at noon to come pick her up. She was upset, but she recovered. I subsequently caught the bug from her, and I recovered.