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Steps For Winning Cooperation

Adlerian psychology provides a set of basic concepts that offer a wealth of knowledge to help us increase our understanding of children and of ourselves, but it is so much more than just theory. The basic concepts are lost without attitudes of encouragement, understanding, and respect.

Mrs. Henderson told her son, Jon, for the third time that evening, “You had better do your homework before it gets too late." Jon shot back, “If it is so important to you, why don’t you do it!” Mrs. Henderson was shocked. After all, she was only trying to help. She reacted by saying, “Don’t talk to me that way, young man. I’m your mother.” Jon reacted right back, “Well, don’t talk to me that way. I’m your son.”

Today is Thanksgiving! A day to express our gratitude for the many blessings in our life. We recently released our new Kids Tool Cards which has a card specifically designed to help kids learn about Gratitude.

In their book, Parenting From the Inside Out (Tarcher/Penguin, 2004) Daniel Siegel and Mary Hartzell present an elegant and refreshingly (to us non-brain-scientists) understandable explanation of brain processes

The purpose of the Positive Discipline Tools for Kids program is to help children develop important life skills to encourage themselves and each other.

A primary theme of Positive Discipline is to focus on solutions. The wheel of choice provides an excellent way to focus on solutions, especially when kids are involved in creating the Wheel of Choice.

This tool card provides an example of asking for a hug when a child is having a temper tantrum, but that is certainly not the only time a hug can be an appropriate intervention when you understand the principle of hugs. Later, I’ll share where the example on the card came from; but first I want to share another example.

The Johnson family was about to complete their weekly grocery shopping when five-year-old Jimmy started coaxing for a toy car. Mom asked politely, "Have you saved enough money from your allowance to buy it?" Jimmy looked sad and said, "No." Mom suggested, "Maybe you would like to save your allowance so you can buy that car when you have enough money."

It is much easier to take responsibility for a mistake when it is seen as a learning opportunity rather than something to be ashamed of. If we see mistakes as bad we tend to feel inadequate and discouraged and may become defensive, evasive, judgmental, or critical of others or ourselves. On the other hand, when mistakes are seen as opportunities to learn, recognizing them will seem like an exciting venture. "I wonder what I will learn from this one?" Self forgiveness is an important element of the first R of Recovery.

Logical consequences are different from natural consequences in that they require the intervention of an adult—or other children in a family or a class meeting. It is important to decide what kind of consequence would create a helpful learning experience that might encourage children to choose responsible cooperation.

Steps For Winning Cooperation

Back Talk

Gratitude - A Kids Tool Card Activity

Understand the Brain Using the Palm of Your Hand

New Positive Discipline Tools for Kids

The Wheel of Choice

Hugs: A Positive Discipline Tool Card

Allowances Can Teach the Life Skill of Money Management

THE THREE Rs OF RECOVERY

Logical Consequences

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