Class 115

Dear Dr. Nelsen,

First, I would like to say that I appreciate all of the effort and energy you put into writing both the first and second editions of Positive Discipline. I have read and enjoyed both editions. The skill that has been most helpful for me to learn as a parent is winning cooperation because the process gave me an understanding of what to say after feelings have been affirmed. And the process has taught my children how to move on after they experienced the feeling. Thanks again.

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After School with At Risk Children

I need help in applying the principals of positive discipline in an after school setting with at risk children that are 8 to 11 for the most part. Some are from homes where corporal in the norm and one or two may be from homes where the adults are violent with each other. Most come from homes where they are supported but the destructive behavior of a few hurts us all. Unfortunately, these are the children we are trying most to reach. When they refuse to follow clear guidelines, it doesn't seem fair to anyone.

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8-Year-Old With Classroom Problems

Dear Kristin, I have several Certified Positive Discipline Associates who help me asnwer questions. If you read any of the Positive Discipline books, you will find that we don't advocate punishment of any kind. Rather we use methods that are respectful and designed to teach life skills that help children develop good character. Christine Haymond has done an excellent job (to follow) of respectfully answering your question. Jane Nelsen

School Problems

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Backward Punishment

I am a 2nd grade teacher in the Los Angeles area. Lately there has been a resurgence of giving children standards to write as a form of punishment.

Since we struggle to help our children reach grade level in writing, I find this way of punishing a student (making him write) rather backward. I seem to be the only teacher who feels strongly about this? What do you think?

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Angry, irritated, tone of voice

Q. My ten-year-old daughter speaks with an angry, irritated, tone of voice most of the time. We have discussed it with her. And she says she does not want to talk to us this way--yet the habit persists. We feel we talk to her with respect.The things we have tried include, discussions in family meetings, and having her try it again, i.e., say it again respectfully. Still very little progress.In fact, it seems to be getting worse. She is an extremely polite, kind spoken, and sweet child to her friends, other parents, teachers, etc.

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Power Struggles with a 3 ½ yr. old

Dear Jane,

Wow, thank you so much for the good advice on how to respond to the name calling.Your approach is very sensible.I have taken the RCB and Developing Capable People classes and have found them to be very enlightening.

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Sexual Acting Out and Behavior


Recently my 7 ½ year old son had a friend for a sleep-over. While I was downstairs they were lying in the same bed. They kept acting up so bad that finally I separated and made them sleep in separate beds. The friend was very hyper so I lay down with him and talked with him until he calmed down and went to sleep.

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He hit me, so I had to hit him back.


I have a 2-year-old boy and he is very stubborn. When he is in trouble... I do punish him to sit down but he refuses to sit down. He keeps coming up to me and says sorry, but he is not finished with his punishment. Im confused about spanking my kid. When he tried to touch my typing board and I said No!! He hit me, so I had to hit him back to tell him that hurts me, he continued hitting me. What should I do?? Please send me more information about this situation. Thank you.

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52 Positive Discipline Parenting Tools in 52 Weeks

Take the 52 Parenting Tools in 52 Weeks Challenge. This is a fun way to stay focused on Positive Discipline all year long. We hope you will participate and post comments about your own experiences. You can get a copy of the Positive Discipline Parenting Tool Cards on the Positive Discipline Website and/or download the App for iPhone and Android. It would also be helpful to read a Positive Discipline Book during the year.

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Jared's Cool-Out Space - A Positive Time-Out Children's Book

About 20 years ago I wrote a draft for a children's book called, "The Gremlin Who Eats Toys That Aren't Picked Up." The idea was to write children's books that would teach Positive Discipline tools to parents while they read adorable picture books to their children.

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Online Learning

Positive Discipline offers online learning options for parents, teachers, and parent educators. Learn in the comfort of your own home and at your own pace. You have unlimited access to our online streaming programs, so you can watch and re-watch the videos as often as you like.