Prefers One Parent over Another

Question:

My almost 2-year-old son used to take a bath with my husband everyday after dinner. That used to be “their time”, and he was always happy to go with him. But a few days ago he started to refuse to go in the bathtub. As soon as I get in the bathroom he agrees to go inside and take a bath. It has been like this for the last week. He just cries like crazy until I come in. I really have no idea how to handle this situation. I am not sure I am doing the right thing getting in the bathroom and bathing him, I feel like he is manipulating me, and my husband is just heartbroken because that was the only thing they do together everyday. Any advice???

Thank you soooooo much!

Answer:

Here are some suggestions:

1. Understand that this is very normal. Many young children start showing preference for one parent or another. It does not last unless you make a big deal of it.
2. Don’t take it personally – either of you. I want to say again that it will pass unless your son learns he can get lots of mileage out of it.
3. I don’t believe he is manipulating at this point. Again, I don’t know what goes on in the heads of little one’s who prefer one parent over another for awhile, but I don’t believe it is manipulation unless it lasts more than a few months – which usually doesn’t happen if parents take it in stride.
4. Be flexible for awhile. Go ahead and switch roles with your husband and take bath time for awhile. It won’t be long before you son will forget his preference. (Actually, he may switch allegiance at some time. Don’t take that personally or seriously either.)
5. Suggest to your husband that he find another way to have some special time with your son for awhile.
6. You might want to get a copy of Positive Discipline: The First Three Years to gain a better understanding of developmentally appropriate behavior.

If it helps, I can guarantee that your son won’t be showing this kind of preference by the time he goes to college – so long as he feels unconditional love from both of you, and providing you have involved him in family meetings and the many other Positive Discipline methods that help children develop self-discipline, responsibility, cooperating, and problem-solving skills.

Take care, 

Jane Nelsen

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