After School with At Risk
Children
I need help in applying the principals of positive discipline in an after
school setting with at risk children that are 8 to 11 for the most part. Some
are from homes where corporal in the norm and one or two may be from homes where
the adults are violent with each other. Most come from homes where they are
supported but the destructive behavior of a few hurts us all. Unfortunately,
these are the children we are trying most to reach. When they refuse to follow
clear guidelines, it doesn't seem fair to anyone. Enlisting the help of parents
usually means that no matter how often we ask them to use words to explain the
reinforce the rules that we have, they chose to punish the children - most often
with a belt.
I would like to be a able
utilize the positive discipline, but I am finding the children want to
continually test the limit which in our program results in suspension or
expulsion.
Hello Jan, I am a Positive Discipline Associate from Ohio who works with atrisk
kids ages 11 to 15 as a classroom teacher. Jane Nelsen forwarded your question
to me . First, congratulations for offering an after school program. This
certainly would have its many challenges.
It sounds like the
backgrounds/home philosophies are identical to what I deal with. My discovery of
Positive Discipline led me to a huge insight about my students. Whereas I would
have once given their backgrounds as "what they have in common", Positive
Discipline led me to understand that it was a lack of SIGNIFICANCE that was at
the core of so much of what they do- or don't do. Also, they were lacking in an
understanding of MUTUAL RESPECT, having no framework of what it feels like to
give and receive respect.-I constantly ask myself ," is the message of love is
getting through?". Even when I am upset, am I dealing with this kid
respectfully, as I would like to be treated? Am I LISTENING as much as I'm
talking? Talk about a challenge for the teacher!!!
This does not mean in any
way that there are no limits, consequences, or bottom lines. These kids crave
structure and limits, even though they may resist them. In a sense it is like
teaching them a whole new language, as many of their families are chaotic and if
corporal punishment is used they have trouble setting their own limits.
Structure and limits show that you care- you offer them physical and emotional
safety .Also, they don't do well with "down time" and have to be kept busy. My
kids love to be read to. Few of them have learned a love of reading and this
seems to calm even the most wild of the bunch.
CLASS MEETINGS are
invaluable because the kids then have an investment in the rules- which I call
Guidelines as the word rules falls on deaf ears after being used so often. I
have sometimes asked the kids for ideas when I am at my wits end with a student.
Sometimes a temporary suspension gives all of us a breather, including the
problem kid. Just breaking the behavior pattern helps for awhile.This is a last
resort, of course. Again, this can be done respectfully. Asking kids for input
requires a foundation of trust and an understanding that it is your care and
concern for the child that brings you to them.-It is in no way a tattling
session or talking about someone in a hurtful way. The kids' insights can be
unbelievable.
I have learned over the
years that it works better to "keep school business at school" and I call home
much less often than I did before P.D., again giving the kid the respect of
trying to find SOLUTIONS- a new skill for many.
Also, you might want to look
at the MISTAKEN GOALS chart. It absolutely blows me away because in 99% of cases
you will see so clearly what you can do to make the situation better. And it's
usually so simple that I can't believe I didn't think of it before. That little
chart is truly a miracle!!
Above all, be good to
yourself, and remember to recognize and cherish small victories. Keep caring.
Keep reading. Stay creative. Believe in the power of Positive Discipline- and
whatever other power you need to keep love in your heart. You may be the best
thing in those kids' lives!!
Christine Haymond, Positive Discipline Associate,
Canton, Ohio Past Questions  
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