My six year old daughter seems to thrive on getting everyone's attention. For example, when she goes to ballet, she will start to do her ballet dance before we enter the room. She does the dance in front of the other parents and continually look up to see if they are looking at her. She does not look to see if I am looking at her. That is just one example. Another example is when we went out to dinner with my in-laws. She was sitting next to me and my husband. She talks really loud to get everyone's attention. She also says "Oh, I can't wait," so that someone else will say "Wait for what?" Other examples is that when we go places she talks in a way to get others' attention. It is very obvious. I don't know if what I have written conveys what I want it to convey. But my question is what is she lacking at home? I think it is to get attention but what can I not be giving her at home to make her feel that she needs to get attention from others? She does it every time we go anywhere.

Don't be so quick to blame yourself. It could be that this is just part of her personality style. What if you were to see this as an asset and see the benefits. Perhaps she will be an actress or a ballerina some day because of her drive to be center stage.

Meanwhile there are things you could do to help her balance this drive with concern for others. There is a difference between seeking attention and seeking "undue" attention. Children who seek undue attention believe they don't "belong" unless they are getting constant attention.

1. Help her get attention in positive ways by getting her involved in useful ways:

• "I need your help. What could you do to help me get ready to go?"
• "What are your ideas about how to help other people feel special?" (Don't precede this with a lecture about how she thinks she is the only one. Just keep it simple and invite her to help others.)
• "You are such a good finder. Please help me find my purse, keys, or whatever."

2. Have regular family meetings. (Information on this can be found in our book "Positive Discipline," which also has information about the four goals of misbehavior, including the need for undue attention.) During these family meetings get her involved in finding solutions to problems that might be occurring in your family--chores, homework, scheduling time, etc. This teaches her to get attention in very useful ways.

3. Schedule regular special time with her--perhaps an hour a week--that is like a date on the calendar. Sometimes when she is seeking undue attention, ignore the demands while saying, "I'm looking forward to our special time when you can tell me about that."

4. Take time to really listen to her (even when she is seeking undue attention) so that she feels belonging and significance. Once she gets enough of this, she may stop seeking undue attention--except for the part that may be one of the gifts of her personality.