Dear Dr. Nelsen:

The woman in front of us comes in late, the children are very disruptive, and she refuses to control them. They turn around and stare at us, stick their tongues out, point and laugh. Once we even sat in front of them and one of the children proceeded to hit my mother on the head while she was praying. The mother acted like she did not see it, and when confronted told my mother that "kids will be kids" and that we should be more tolerant of people with children. But don't you think it should go both ways? Why should we be distracted endlessly by this family? And I know children will be children, but respect begins with the parents and if the parents don't teach them how will the children learn? I know when I was growing up you didn't act up in church and if you did my parents let me know. Tell me, am I asking to much to be able to sit in church without distractions? Granted some parents do try and make their children mind, but this family simply refuses.

Dear Kim:

I agree with you that this mother SHOULD control her children and teach them respect. However, neither you nor I can control her behavior. You can only control your own behavior. There are several things you could do.

1. Be sure you don't sit near this family. Even if you are already seated, get up and move.

2. Talk with the people in charge of the service and see if they are willing to make some rules about taking disruptive children to the "cry room."

3. Ask her if she is interested in hearing your opinion and your feelings. If she isn't, you can't make her. If she is, you could follow by asking her if she is willing to work with you on a win/win solution. You could even volunteer to take care of her children for her during church and demonstrate how to teach respect through your own kindness and firmness with them. (Just a suggestion.)

Best wishes,