Jane

Q.Our son is almost 4. He dresses himself and helps clean his room and we are trying to gradually train him for more jobs. Now he gets a "supper job" each night (washing vegetables, setting table, fixing food, etc.). At first he was eager, but now sometimes he says that he doesn't want a supper job. We can't MAKE him do it. What is a good system for motivating him?

A.First, I want to congratulate you for taking the time to teach your young son the importance of contribution. Part of the purpose also is to help him feel a sense of belonging and significance--even when he would prefer to "be taken care of."

My daughter-in-law, Michelle, came up with an excellent idea for motivation when her four year old decided he didn't want to set the table one night. She gave him her full attention and asked, "Then what will we eat on?" Riley thought about that very seriously and then decided he had better set the table.

Another possibility is to create a routine chart together. Have fun with this. List all the things that need to be done during the day and then draw pictures or cut pictures out of magazines to place next to each task. Include the fun times, such as reading, sharing your happiest and saddest times of the day, and/or game time. Hang the chart where he can see it.Then you can ask your son, "What is next on your routine chart?" or "What do we need to do before we can eat, or before game time?"

Possibilities are endless, but let me share one more. Acknowledge his feelings before making a suggestion. "Sometimes it isn't much fun to do what we need to do. Why don't we play "beat the clock" to get over with fast. You can set the time for how much time you think it will take. This is called distracting from the unpleasant part by getting him involved in creating something pleasant.

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