My question is, do I tell the parents of the girl about the sneaking out?

Q.This weekend my 14-year-old daughter had two friends sleep over. I discovered that during the night my daughter and one of the girls left the house for about an hour at 1:30 a.m. (the third girl was sound asleep as she had just gotten braces, had taken Tylenol and was out like a light).My question is, do I tell the parents of the girl about the sneaking out? I know that this is not her first time because she has been caught at home. As far as I know, this is my daughter's first timeand apparently it was not her idea. I feel quite torn because I know that if someone caught my daughter doing this I would want to know about it, but I also fear the aftermath that could happen by this angered girl if I did tell.

Any suggestions?

P.S. I did not "catch" them sneaking out, but my daughter has admitted that they did.

A. Welcome to the world of normal teenagers. Instead of telling the other girls mother, I suggest you get your daughter and her friend together and work out a solution where they take responsibility. Begin by telling them your truth--that you would want to know because you want to be a responsible and caring parent. Let them know that you think it is very important not to keep secrets and ask them how they want to handle informing the other mother.

By the way, don't be too overprotective of your daughter. It may not have been her idea, but I'm sure her friend didn't hold a gun to her head. On the other hand, I'm not suggesting punishment.This is an opportunity for you to discuss with your daughter what happened, what caused it tohappen, how she feels about the outcome, what she learned from it, and what ideas she has to prevent this occurring again. These are called curiosity questions. The emphasis is on helping her think it through--not for her to listen to your ideas (lectures) or judgments.

I think you would enjoy "Positive Discipline for Teenagers." It is full of nonpunitive ideas about how to help teens learn the life skills they need to learn from mistakes and become capable people.

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