Q.I have a 17-month-old-daughter who, up until last week, was pretty happy and outgoing, independent, sleeping through the night (since 8 weeks old!) and quite cooperative for her age. I am a stay/work-at-home mom, but I had to go away for one night about ten days ago, and ever since I have returned, my daughter is now clingy, whiny, uncooperative, waking up every night, etc.Is this coincidence, i.e., is it just a "stage" or is she demonstrating behavior typical for a child this age? To give you a bit more background, my daughter has always been very adaptable to new situations and people, not afraid to be away from me, even if left alone in her room to play for "quiet time".Now, the second she sees me walk away, she goes ballistic and is very hard to calm down.When we go to the park we have been consistently going to, she doesn't want to get down or play for quite awhile.She has resorted to throwing herself on the ground or arching her back when she gets upset.Is this what is known as a temper tantrum? I don't have a problem with letting her "have her own mind", but I do set limits and am beginning to give her choices within boundaries.I am an avid follower of both your books and Rudolf Dreikurs books, so you can see where my mind is. What is upsetting and frustrating is the fact that prior to my leaving I had a very happy, friendly, independent, and relatively easy-going child.Where did she go?Will she ever come back? Thanks for your time, and I look forward to your answer.

A.I don't think it is coincidental that your daughter changed her behavior because you left for an evening.(By the way, I think it is fine that you left, and this won't last forever.)Children are always making decisions based on their interpretation of a situation.Since she was used to having you around all the time, it may have thrown her a bit to have it change.I don't know what decision she made, but her behavior is based on that decision. I suggest you spend a few days clinging to her, if you have time.Ask her to sit on your lap for as much time as you can spare.Don't read or play a lot, just hold her.I wouldn't be surprised if she soon starts trying to get away from you.This may help her feel secure enough to make another decision that will lead to more independence again.If it doesn't, hang in there.I can guarantee she won't still be clinging by the time she is a teenager. I think you would enjoy our book, "Positive Discipline for Preschoolers," because of the many developmental issues discussed.It is full of ideas to help children develop trust vs. mistrust, autonomy vs. doubt and shame, and initiative vs. guilt— and much more. Let me know how it goes.

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