My wife and I have never used punishment to control our children, but have several friends and relatives who do. How can I convince them of the potential harm? Most of them are (unlike us) conservative Christians who believe they have some biblical justification—no, more of a mandate—to hit their children. And my input is discounted as an "unbeliever." Leaves me a bit out in the cold.

Thanks.

As you know, we can't change anyone else. However, it is possible to influence. Notice the operative word, "possible." My mission in life is to try to influence people to treat their children with dignity and respect while teaching them important life skills. I am planning a book for Christians to illustrate a loving interpretation of the Bible.

Meanwhile I will share with you one example that can be found in Chapter 16 of our Positive Discipline for Preschoolers book. True discipline is not about punishment or control. The word itself comes from the Latin word disciplina, which means "teaching." At its best, discipline is about guiding and teaching young people, helping them to make wise decisions about their behavior, and allowing them to gradually accept responsibility for their choices and actions—to choose (or not choose) a certain behavior because they understand its consequences, not because a policeman is lurking in the vicinity. Many parents believe that punishment, especially spanking, is mandated by the Bible. The Bible does say, "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him." (Proverbs 13:24, New International Version) The Bible also says, "Your rod and your staff they comfort me." (Psalms 23:4) How many children truly feel "comforted" by a good spanking? Many Biblical scholars believe that the word "rod" has a number of meanings. It was a symbol of authority, and shepherds used a rod to guide and direct their sheep—not to beat them. The question of how we choose to discipline our children goes right to the heart of parenting. Most of us grew up accepting that punishment and spankings were normal—even necessary—parts of raising children. And often, at least in the short term, punishment seems to "work." But sometimes we need to beware of what seems to work for the moment, and consider the long-term effects of punitive discipline. Even most Christians would prefer not to spank if they know what else to do to help their children learn self-discipline, responsibility, cooperation, and problem-solving skills. Positive Discipline A-Z has hundreds of suggestions, as do all of our books. If you ever want to share any of these books with friends, do so by sharing how much you have enjoyed them—not that they need them. Hope this helps.