Get into Trouble at School
Q.I have a 6th grade son, Joshua, who continues to get
into trouble at school. He has a difficult timestaying
on task, getting his work in on time, or at all.I have tried everything, positive reinforcement,time out,grounding, incentive programs etc.I am really having a difficult time dealing with this. I tis especially hard because I teach in a small school district in Montana and always hear everything that happens in my son's class.His class has had the labels, " difficult class, lots of active boys with attention problems, trouble makers, and immature".The Jr. High teachers are already dreading next year when this class enters their building.I am feeling very frustrated as a teacher and like a total failure as a parent.It doesn't help matters that my son has an older brother that is an A student and the Freshman Jock in sports. I love all three of my children very much but I can't help but think that there is something else I should be doing for my son, Joshua.Any advise that you could give would be greatly appreciated.
A.The problems you are having are what inspired me to
find the methods I now teach in all thePositive Discipline books.They really work.First of all, I think you would enjoy "Positive Discipline" because it is written for parents and teachers and has a chapter on birth order that will help you understand why Joshua is choosing the role he is playing.Most problem children have a sibling that isdoing well.You will also enjoy "Positive Discipline in theClassroom" for the details on how to implement class meetings.(Hopefully your son's teacher will read it too.)When students are involved in problem-solving they have ownership in the solutions they create. The biggest benefit is that they learn social interest and important life skills.They are also experiencing belonging and significance so they aren't motivated to misbehave as much.(Children, like adults, are never perfect.)Misbehaving children are discouraged children because they don't believe they belong and have significance.All our books discuss the mistaken goals of misbehavior that result, and how to encourage children so they give up their need to misbehave. When I was a school counselor,
there was a class like the one you describe.Every teacher was ready to retire when they had to deal with these kids.Finally, the fifth grade teacher started regular class meetings and met with huge success.He went before the school board with the following testimony: I was ready to get out of teaching -- not because I can't handle discipline problems, but because I don't want to.Because of class meetings, my students are now solving their own problems and learning to be respectful. I enjoy teaching again. All the methods you discuss in
your question sound like they are based on a system of punishment and reward -- which teach an external locus of control.In other words, it is the adult who must be responsible to catch kids when they are "bad" to impose punishment, and to catch them when they are "good" to pass out rewards.What happens when the adult is not around.PositiveDiscipline methods do not include any punishment or rewards because children need to learn an internal locus ofcontrol.Please call 1-800-456-7770 for a free newsletter which
includes articles that describe more about this wonderful process. Jane Nelsen
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