Healthy and Well Adjusted
Hi Jane.I have two daughters, Sierra 8 and Andrea 6.Sierra is your typical"firstborn" child, in that she is very serious for her age and has been since I can remember.Other words to describe Sierra are grumpy,perfectionist, bossy, nosy, sassy and nit picker.In the last year, she has developed these characteristics to a tee. I'm not sure if it's just her
personality developing or if it is something I've done
wrong.I have toadmi tthat my discipline styles have changed from permissive to authoritarian and back and forth depending on my mood.I am a single supporting mother who goes to school and has a full-time job.I'm trying to be more firm and patient now, and am trying not to be so short tempered and critical myself. I've apologized for my mistakes and explained to them that I hope that we can talk to each other more often in a calm tone and positive way, and I havebeen practicing this for a while now.Anyway, I jus twant my kids to grow up healthy and well adjusted, but right now things feel out o fcontrol and that I don't have a minute to lose because my kids are growing up so fast.
A.I can relate so much to your question.You sound so much like me before I discovered the wonderful parenting methods discussed in all our books.First, I would be authoritarian until I couldn't stand myself, and then I would be permissive until I couldn't stand the kids.I certainly created a lot of confusion.Also, I wanted so much to be a good mother, but didn't have a clue how.I admire you for your goals and your desire to find answers.You are so wise to apologize for your mistakes, but please stop beating up on yourself.In all our books we emphasize the importance of teaching children that mistakes are wonderful opportunities to learn. We have so many books that you
will just love.First, you will find so much support and encouragement from the" Positive Discipline for Single Parents." All our books are full of practical ideas, and in" Positive Discipline A-Z "you can look up specific subjects such as chores, fighting,tantrums, morning hassles, etc., and find many suggestions for what to do and suggestions for how to prevent the problem in the future. All our books discuss the importance of learning how to "get into the child's world" and to deal with the belief behind the behavior.You will learn that your daughter's behavior is well within the normal range for an oldest child.You will also learn how to stop getting"hooked" and reacting so you can "act" in ways that motivate change with dignity and respect. It is never too late, and I wish you the best of luck. Jane Nelsen, |
