Forget it?

Q.Our 13, soon to be 14- year- old son is highly intelligent, but has a problem with his short term memory.He remembers things that happened years ago, but cannot seem to remember things just told to him.For instance, when his band director tells them of a time change he cannot remember being told.It seems to be mostly time that he cannot remember.Sometimes, he forgets homework assignments, but I contribute that to his not really wanting to do it.It is almost like he remembers only the things that he considers important.He was tested for "gifted" 3 years ago at school and scored very high.He then had to take another test at the board of education.He did not score as well and the only thing that he seemed to have problems with was the short term memory.The test at school was in the afternoon and the test at the board was early morning.I feel that this is also a factor to be considered.

Thanks for your help.

 Margaret

A.It does not sound to me like your son has problems with his short term memory, and I think you know it.My guess is that you are correct in stating that "he remembers only the things that he considers important."Many children are extremely gifted in knowing how to avoid things they don't want to do."Forgetting" is a very clever tactic.I suggest you find our book,PositiveDiscipline for Teenagersas fast as you can.Don't make the mistake made by many parentsof teenagers who try to control their teenagers.This just invites teens to develop more clever tactics to defeat them.Another big mistakes is to expect teens to "enjoy" doing the things they are supposed to do.Many things that are top priority for parents don't make the top 100 on the priority list of teens.This does not mean they should not do certain things, such as school work. It does mean that parents need to sharpen their parenting skills so they know how to motivate their teens with dignity and respect.I just about closed by saying "good luck."However, being successful with teens takes more than luck.You have to understand teens and how to motivate them.I'm not going to act coy -- buy the book.Hundreds of parents have said it saved their sanity through the teen years -- and helped them develop (or recover) a wonderful relationship with their teenagers.

Jane Nelsen

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