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We (my
husband and I) need help! We have been to your seminar in
Rockford, IL. last year and we have both the A-Z book and First Three Years
book. We have a very active, independent, and sometimes angry 19 month old that since
16 months has been very hard to deal with!Our biggest problem is meal times. He
didn't want to sit in his hi-chair anymore so after a week we moved
him to a booster chair with a tray. He has always been a very good eater
but now he will take only a few bites and throws or slides all the food off
his tray onto the floor, even if it's his favorite foods and even when he's still
hungry. We don't force him to eat or tell him to eat certain things we just put
a variety of foods on his tray before he sits down. And when he starts throwing
food we get him out. Sometimes before the throwing starts he will
say "down". For awhile we tried to ignore this and just get him down, then
we started saying NO, and if we say NO or raise our voice he gets mad and throws
even more! We don't feed him out of the chair he waits till the next snack
which we move closer just a little since he didn't eat. Please let us know
what we can do to make our meal times bearable. The other thing we have started doing
with him in the last 2 months has been to negotiate doing things. We couldn't
get him to brush his teeth so we say, "Do you want your paci ? I'll
give you your paci after we brush your teeth. "He was throwing so many fits
that this has seemed to help but is what we are doing ok??
It sounds as though you are doing most of the things I would advise. Another
possibility is to let him start helping moredish up his food, etc. You could
also offer to let him help clean upas though this is a privilege as soon as he
is finished eating. You might try interrupting each outburst with a hug, if he
is willing. Sometimes this will help children calm down and do betterother times
they won't let you hug them.
You say he throws his food on
the floor even when he is still hungry. How do you know he is still hungry? If
he is still hungry, how about letting him sit on the floor to eat. I don't mean
to do this in a punitive way. You could simply say (if he says he is still
hungry), "Would you like to sit in your chair or on the floor to finish your
food. However, it could be that he is not hungry and is just going through a
"non-growth" spurt.
I can't help but wonder if you
are trying too hard. Sometimes you may need to shut your mouth and actkindly and
firmly. Simply remove him from the situation. You might sit and rock with him
for awhile or distract him with something else to do. I know this can sound
permissive or like it is rewarding the misbehavior. I see it as understanding
that a misbehaving child is a discouraged child who does better when he feels
better. He is moving into another stage of his life when we want to be able to
do more than he has the skills to accomplish.
Back to my middle observation,
it could be that you should just keep on doing what you are doing and be patient
as he deals with his frustration. Have faith in him that he can deal with it.
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