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Q. I
found a typed story written by my daughter and her
friend. They are both 12 years old. The story was about
an explicit sex scene between a man and a woman which
includes some pretty graphic details. She is in Mexico
for a week so I have some time to decide how to handle
this situation. I don't care for this friend of hers.
She is very disrespectful to adults and does not
communicate with her mother. However the lack of
communication doesn't seem to bother her mother. She is
very focused on sex and boys. She is very thin but
constantly says she is fat. I am very worried about my
daughter and would like to end the friendship without
losing my daughter. I do not know what to do about the
letter and wonder if I need to put up iron gates instead
of picket fences. Please help.
Sounds as though you have reason to be concerned.
However, trying to break up a friendship can be really
tough as kids usually defend their friends. It might be
better to do things with her to help her deal
effectively with these kinds of friends. It would take a
whole book to give all the suggestions that might help
with this. (Have you seen our newly revised PD for
Teenagers?) You might try to help her explore the
consequences of her choices through what and how
questions. You might help her explore her goals and what
she needs to do to accomplish them. You could share your
feelings with emotional honesty -- letter her know your
concerns based on your love for her. All of these are
touchy methods because it is tough to make sure they
don't sound like lectures.
Hopefully, you can read the above mentioned book
because you will get many more ideas. Best wishes, Jane
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