I attended your 2 day conference last year at the Owyhee Plaza in Boise. I was very impressed with your style and approaches and I am hoping that you may be able to answer a question.

My only child is a nearly 3 year old (3/26 is his birthday) boy. While we are grocery shopping he likes to spit at people and the ground. I have tried singing to him trying to get him to count with me and even giving him the grocery list and trying to make him feel important in the event. Do you have any other suggestions for me?

This one is very simple. Children do what works. Spitting seems to get you to invest a lot of time and energy towards "undue attention." I suggest you put much less energy into this behavior. Instead, let him know in advance that when he spits, you will take him to the car and will wait until he tells you he is ready to try again. Then simply follow through. However, there are magic keys to make this effective.

Magic Key No. 1. Be kind and firm at the same time.

Magic Key No. 2. Act without talking. Do not say a word. Simply take his hand and walk to the car. I repeat again. No words. Just kind and firm silence.

Magic Key No. 3. When you get to the car use 10 words, "Let me know when you are ready to try again." Then silence. Read a book or something while he does his thing.

Magic Key No. 4. Know that he will test you. The first time you do this his misbehavior may increase. He may spit at you or have a real tantrum. Just read while you allow him to have his feelings. If you stay quiet, he will eventually learn that this behavior does not "work." He will then go shopping for a new behavior. If you don't respond to the misbehavior, it is likely that he will say. "I'm ready to try again?" However, if you keep asking, "Are you ready to try again?", you are giving him ammunition to defeat you. The more words you use, the more fuel you throw on the flames. It might work to ask this question AFTER he has calmed down.

Magic Key No. 5. Plan for extra time during this re-training period. Weaning has never been easy for the weanor or the weenee.

Magic Key No. 6. Plan time for lots of hugs and kisses and other special time when he is not misbehavior.