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Comment: Instead of trying to
figure out a child's behavior and what causes it or where it comes from, why
not see what God's word says about raising children?? He's been around a whole
lot longer and I've seen proof after proof of his word on this subject to be
true. Look in the book of Proverbs (dedicated to raising children). Proverbs
chapter 10, verse 1 , "A wise son maketh a glad father: but a foolish son is the
heaviness of his mother." This is so true isn't it?? I think we all can agree to
this. Then in chapter 13, verse 24 : "He that spareth his rod hateth his son:
but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes." This verse kind of says it all
for me. Then in chapter 22, verse 6 : "train up a child in the way he should go:
and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Then in verse 15, "foolishness
is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far
from him." There's the answer to every one of your childrens discipline
problems. Try it and see!! Most importantly, you talk about parents ignoring the
behavior problem and diverting his attention to something else, as maybe a
book, or school, ect. in hopes that he'll realize that this behavior is
unacceptable and then the parents should leave the room every time the child
performs this 'unacceptable' behavior. Well, there's a big problem with doing
that......Proverbs 29:15 " The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to
himself bringeth his mother to shame." Also, verse 17 it says : "Correct thy
son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul." How
many moms do you know that are not getting rest because of their child's
misbehaving problems?? I've known plenty. I was one of them! Anyway, maybe this
could help you give the proper advice to others. Its the best advice I've ever
had and its the only advice that really works.
Thank you for time,
Lisa L.
Thank you for taking the time to write and share your heart. I am a therapist
and co-author of several of the Positive Discipline books, but for 15 years I
was also the music minister of a conservative Christian church. I speak and
teach often in churches, and this is a familiar subject to those of us who work
in this field.
I don't intend to debate
Scripture with you. But I'd like to suggest a few things for you to think about.
The word "discipline" comes from the same Latin root that we get "disciple"
from; it means, quite simply, "to teach." I think you'll also find, if you do a
study on the word "rod," that it represents a leader's symbol of authority. It
was also the tool shepherds used to guide their sheep--but it was never used to
beat them. I have seen many loving, committed Christian parents punish their
children with hands, belts, and wooden spoons in an effort to respond to their
"willful defiance," in the words of Dr. Dobson. Because young children are
actively exploring their world and learning how it works (and because their
normal development leads them to value independence and attention from adults),
we're likely to see what looks like "willful defiance" about fifty times a day.
Using the rod each time that happens borders, unfortunately, on child abuse.
Even Dr. Dobson has softened his stance on "using the rod" over the past ten
years or so.
It's also interesting that the
Scriptures you selected are all from the Old Testament. If you look at the New
Testament, I think you'll find a great deal more about respect, honor, teaching,
and listening than you will about punishment. In fact, when Jesus remained in
the Temple when his parents left for Bethlehem, they had a perfect opportunity
to demonstrate the need for spanking--but they didn't. Joseph had a talk with
his son and discovered the belief behind his behavior. Apparently, that was
enough to satisfy God.
I respect your beliefs, and know
that you love your children a great deal. Each parent must choose the way that
they will "discipline" their children. I believe that the wisest choices are a
balance between discipline, limits, and authority and respect, kindness, and
understanding.
Taking a "kind and firm"
approach to discipline and making an effort to understand a child's perceptions
and development is often mistaken for permissiveness, but we can assure you that
we also believe in the need to set limits for children, to teach respect, and to
follow through when necessary. We differ from you only in the method of
following through.
Thank you again for your
willingness to share your beliefs.
Cheryl L. Erwin, MA, MFT
Certified Positive Discipline
Associate
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